Take-away trash

I may be over-reacting on this one. The longer I let this fester, the more aggravated I get, so I’d better free my mind and the rest will follow.

Yesterday, I had a small window of opportunity to grab lunch and bring it back to the office. I decided on a cafe that was as close to my work as possible, so as not to waste any time.

You have to understand just a few small items of note to fully appreciate my agony…first, I’m broke.

Second, I never get to leave work for a lunch break unless it’s been planned weeks in advance. All non-postal employees, please skip the following sentence, (If anyone from work is reading this, you must understand I’m being overly dramatic in order to receive the sympathy of my readers.) Even when I do get out, the jerk that strolls in at 10:30 just takes my lunch break for me. What a guy, or girl. I hope that didn’t give away my secret identity.

Third, I have no money, but it was almost payday and I had enough to go out maybe twice this week.

The café I chose was one that I’ve been to a few times before. They have this thing called a “Cuban Salad” I used to order that was clever and tasty, however I couldn’t find it on the paper takeout menu that lay on the counter. The place was busy and may have been in too much of a hurry, but I didn’t see anything that really moved me emotionally. I ordered half a Cuban sandwich and half Caesar Salad. I know, I know, quite a lame lunch.

I paid before my order was ready as well as “pre-tipping” for said order. The food was ready incredibly fast. I even thought to myself at the time that it was a little too fast, impossibly fast even. I never check my order after it’s given to me, which leads to my undoing at a rate of about 50/50. Not checking your take away order leads to many indescribable perils. They are as follows”

  • Getting someone else’s order. (Sometimes this is a good thing depending on whose food you swipe)
  • Not getting everything you ordered. Subsequently paying for and tipping on something you didn’t even get.
  • Receiving a surprise, involving things you might have requested being omitted from the menu item.
  • Pissing your wife off because her order was screwed up and yours was just perfect.
  • Lack of condiments and/or cutlery and/or napkins.

Below is the ultimate in a to-go no-no scenario

  • Abhorrent food quality.

If you can imagine lumping all of those things in a perfect crap storm of mediocrity, that’s just about how it went for me yesterday. I opened my styrofoam container to find a tiny sandwich-like object billowing with steam so hot it burnt my fingers. I’m not Gordon Ramsey and this was not Kitchen Nightmares. With that said, I can still easily discern if something has been microwaved or not, especially with a hot sandwich. I feel microwaves should be banned from use in any situation. Throw yours off the roof, now. Thank you.

To add insult to injury, my Caesar salad failed to include the one thing that makes a Caesar salad a Caesar salad. Without dressing, a Caesar salad is just a lettuce salad. Since I was going back to work and eating at my desk, it was extremely important to have a fork supplied for me to be able to eat my lettuce salad. Although if you think about it, without dressing, the lettuce salad was inedible. So what the fork would it have been for?

What I am trying to get at, without being extremely whiny, is this. Sure…it’s understandable that a place can be really busy, and at any given moment, a mistake could be made to negatively affect your experience. Being a busy restaurant is a privilege that should be cherished. There is no excuse for serving sub-par food and if any restaurateur is reading this, keep serving crap and you won’t be busy much longer. Crumpton out.


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